


i know one thing never changes and that’s you as my best friend

by calthighway



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, Memories, Out of Character, Past and Present, Shh, Soft Ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 13:22:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20340790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calthighway/pseuds/calthighway
Summary: He knows it all sounds stupid. It’s not as if it’s the first time Ben’s had a new partner, and normally he’d be genuinely happy for his best friend. Things are different now. Ben just doesn’t know it.Ben doesn’t know Callum’s gone and fallen for him and he can’t seem to stop falling.





	i know one thing never changes and that’s you as my best friend

**Author's Note:**

> just like to say the parts in between *** are moments in their past and the rest is present... hope that’s clear 
> 
> also, happy fanfic writer appreciation day <3  
thanks to anyone who’s taken the time to read/kudos/comment on any of my stories, it’s a lovely feeling. 
> 
> enjoy x

It makes Callum sick to his stomach listening to Ben coo over his new partner. The worst part is that that he has to smile and nod like it’s not killing him inside.

They’re friends, the best of friends and they’ve always shared things. They’ve been by each other’s side for so long, nobody’s been able to tear them apart. Callum suddenly feels like the third party. He feels pushed out. Forgotten.

He knows it all sounds stupid. It’s not as if it’s the first time Ben’s had a new partner, and normally he’d be genuinely happy for his best friend. Things are different now. Ben just doesn’t know it.

Ben doesn’t know Callum’s gone and fallen for him and he can’t seem to stop falling.

Callum doesn’t fall in love often. He’d thought he’d been in love before when he was younger, but he realises now the feelings that settle inside him now are far more intense than anything he’s felt before.

Out of everyone, Ben just had to be the one to steal his heart.

Callum stands at the bar, watches them both laughing and smiling at each other and he prays he doesn’t have to sit through much more of this. Maybe he could just make up an excuse and leave, but he’s never been that good at lying and Ben will probably see right through it, tell him to stay.

Callum’s heart drops further when Ben turns to look over at him, his lips tugging into a smile. A smile Callum’s used to being just for him. A stupid bloody smile that he’s gone and let wreck him up inside. Callum looks away quickly, can’t even bring himself to smile back and he’s thankful the barman comes to stand in front of him.

Callum sits through the rest of the night with fake interest and smiles.

*  
Ben sees his boyfriend off in a taxi, Callum focusing on his phone and anything else that doesn’t involve seeing Ben kiss his boyfriend goodbye.

They walk home together, just like they’ve always done. Doesn’t matter what the weather is like, it was more time spent together and it was just one of their many things to do together.

They share a bag of chips, Ben smothering them in salt and vinegar, enough to cause an heart attack, but Callum loves them that way too. Callum smiles when Ben gives him a plastic folk, because deep down he knows Ben thinks he’s a bit of a snob for not just picking the greasy chips up by his fingers like Ben does.

“Ya gonna tell me what’s wrong, then?” Ben asks, licking his fingers. “You’ve been quiet all night.”

“I haven’t,” Callum lies, sticking his folk into the chips and suddenly not feeling hungry anymore. “Karl seems nice.”

“Kyle. His name is Kyle,” Ben stops in his tracks, looks up at his friend. “Nice to know you were in the room with us.”

“Sorry, easy mistake to make.” He slaps Ben’s arm playfully. “Come on, ya know what I’m like.”

They walk the rest of the way in silence, Ben shoving Callum a few times along the way, doing it just to make him smile and it works. Every single time.

At Callum’s front door he thinks back to a memory that often resides and takes up shelter in his mind. “Do you ever think back to what we promised each other when we were younger?”

Ben raises his eyebrows. “We made plenty of promises, Callum. Be more specific.”

“The one about us getting married if we were still single in our thirties,” Callum bites the inside of his cheek, glad it’s dark outside and Ben can’t see the rush of red spread across his neck.

Ben laughs slightly, all light and and bright and it’s almost enough to make Callum fall to his knees and confess his love right there and then.

“How can I forget?” Ben sighs, smile wide enough to show his teeth. “You gave me an haribo ring and your last rolo.”

Callum smiles along with him. “Does it still stand?”  
Ben’s hand comes up to Callum’s wrist, his hand circling around the skin there and Callum wishes Ben could see the affect he has on him. “As if I’d want to marry anyone other than my best friend.”

It’s normal for them to hug each other after a night out. Tonight though, Callum can’t help but hold on a little tighter and for longer.

***  
Kissing your best friend isn’t something that should happen. It’s not something that should feel so natural and make you feel like everything in the world is ok.

It’s Ben’s 18th birthday. All his friends from drama school are there, Callum’s surprised Ben even invited them, the amount of times he’d said how nerdy and weird they all were. He guesses that was just another thing they’d keep a secret.

Callum’s also surprised that Ben hasn’t cottoned on to this thing he does every single year on Ben’s birthday. It amuses him, he’s just not sure it has the same affect on Ben.

It’s late and he should have been at the party ages ago, in fact he should have been the first one there. He phones Ben two hours into the party his mum had no doubt planned for him and he can hear Britney Spears playing in the background and he bites down a laugh  
“You’ve forgotten my birthday again?” Ben moans, “some best friend you are. I hate you.”

Callum just rolls his eyes, always so dramatic. “Open the door.”

Ben rushes to the door, opens it to see Callum standing on his door step with a crate of beer in one hand and a gift in another. “Happy birthday,” he says merrily.

Ben just huffs, moves aside. “Ya know, you really aren’t funny? Christmas and birthdays are cancelled for the next five years for making me put up with these lot in the first place.”

“It’s your fault they’re here! And stop being so rude. They can’t be that bad.”

Ben just scoffs, grabs the beers from Callum’s hand. “Come and see for yourself, mate.”

Even though Ben had joked about them before, Callum soon realised he wasn’t lying about how nerdy they actually were. Callum could only sit through so much, because he had to admit, he found some of it interesting. Even getting involved in a debate about life after death and UFO’s.

The couple soon lost his interest though when they started talking about Charles Dickens and how he kept the head of his bed aligned with the North Pole, believing the earth’s magnetic field would pass longitudinally through his body and ensure him a good night’s sleep. He just nodded along politely before excusing himself and finding Ben up in his room.

“I get it, payback is a bitch.” Callum sits on the end of Ben’s bed. “Why you up here on your own?”

“Just wanted ya to suffer like I did,” Ben teases, “and to prove I’m always right.” He points down at the gift Callum had brought with him, a small box with a red ribbon around it. “I know I said I’d marry ya if we were both still single, but neither of us have reached the ripe age of thirty just yet.”

“You wish,” Callum folds his legs under him. “Open it.”

Ben opens the present carefully and Callum sees the way his eyes go soft and his lips rise. Callum wanted to get him something special, something that will make him remember this birthday for years to come.

Inside sits a black pocket watch with the message ‘side by side or miles apart, friends are always close by heart.’

Ben rubs his fingertips over the engraved message. “It must have cost you a fortune.”

“There was a sale on,” Callum shrugs, lying in case Ben hates it and he has to to take it back. “I know it’s a bit-“

“It’s amazing,” Ben grins. “Step up from matching socks last year,” he winks playfully. “Thank you,” he places the watch back down on his bed before stretching out and leaning in to give Callum a hug.

Kissing your best friend isn’t something that should happen. But it happens, it happens slowly, and it’s over in seconds. Callum nudges their noses together, covers Ben’s lips with his own and keens when Ben pulls away, his eyes all blue and unfocused.

“Sorry,” Callum mumbles, jumping to his feet. “Shouldn’t have done that,” he practically runs out of Ben’s, a shiver running down his spine at the lingering sensation of Ben’s lips on his.

However good it felt in that moment, dread washes over him at the prospect of having lost his best friend.  
***

He normally talks to Ben about everything. They’re always so open with each other, they share the smallest of things with each other, so it’s kind of difficult for Callum not to be able to open up about his feelings.

He can’t let it eat away at him, though. There’s only so much lying he can do, and he doesn’t even want to lie in the first place, but he hasn’t got a choice right now.

He turns to the only other person he trusts.

She greats him with that look that used to scare him growing up. The questioning and hard look on her face. Callum used to think she was reading his mind, her stare so intense.

But he knew the softness that lay beneath her strong mascara, black high heeled boots and spiked short hair. She had looked after him when he lost his mother, his brother deciding to stay with their dad. She treated him like her own, he was part of the family and Shirley made sure Callum knew it.

“What’s happened?” She asks knowingly, sitting down next to him.

He focuses on the outlined alien on his jumper, doesn’t even know where to start, so just says his name dumbly. “Ben.”

“What you two fallen out about now?” She rolls her eyes slightly, but there’s no real annoyance there. She’s grown up with them both, knows they argue and make up a few hours later and it doesn’t matter how many times it happens, Callum always worried they wouldn’t make up.

“We haven’t fallen out,” Callum clarifies. His eyes blurring from focusing on one thing for too long. He looks up when he feels Shirley’s hand fall on his arm. “I don’t know what to do.”

Shirley frowns, clearly confused at Callum’s behaviour. “Talk to me, son.”

“I- I love Ben,” he answers slowly. His cheeks turn a sharp tone of pink. It’s the first time he’s admitted it out loud to himself, let alone anybody else.

She laughs a little, that’s no real news to her. “You’ve always loved him. He’s your best mate.”

Callum shakes his head, frustrated she doesn’t understand. “No. I’m in love with him.”

_Oh_.

The hand on his arm rubs gently, “when? How long?”

He shrugs slightly, because he’s not sure he can pin point a time when he really noticed. He just knows seeing him with someone else isn’t something he wants to see again. He knows he doesn’t want to experience that feeling of being lost and not good enough anymore.

“Maybe always,” he thinks aloud. Shrugging his shoulders slightly, “he’s got a new boyfriend,” Callum hates the way his mouth twists spiteful, he’s not used to feeling hatred so strongly. “Usually it doesn’t bother me, it’s not as if he’s not had boyfriends before. It just feels different this time.”

“You bloody twit,” she smiles lovingly. “You should speak to him. Tell him how you’re feeling.”

Callum can’t do that. “I’ll ruin everything,” he shakes his head. “Just ‘cause I’m hurting I ain’t going to hurt Ben, too.”

She kisses his forehead. “I’m going to stick the kettle on and then we are going to sit through E.T. for the thousand time until you’re smiling again and you’ve forgot about Ben, alright?”

He smiles gratefully up at her and nods. He’s not sure it’s possible.

***  
Callum was stupid to think a little kiss that didn’t really mean anything would ruin their friendship. Ben had laughed it off, told him it was harmless and that it didn’t change anything between them, teased Callum slightly by saying he felt flattered by it. Callum chose to laugh through it, agree with Ben that it was nothing.

It probably was nothing, but it didn’t stop Callum from thinking about it all the time. He supposed he just had to be grateful that he hadn’t lost his friend.

Friday nights were movie night round at Ben’s. They’d go through a marathon of films they’d already seen a million times before, repeating pretty much all the lines from the films like they’d had them tattooed onto the back of their hands.

Callum stays over most of the time, Ben giving him a pair of his pyjamas – Callum used to laugh at him, they’d always be too small on him, but one time Ben had commented how cute he had looked and Callum didn’t seem to mind struggling into them since, the tightness of them bringing him something that felt like comfort and safety.

When Ben gets sleepy, he tends to put his glasses back on, says they help him stay awake longer, and Callum never seems to connect the dots, but he doesn’t mind because he’s always preferred Ben in them. They bring back memories of when they were little – some little shit had broke them in school once and Callum had comforted Ben until he’d stopped crying and their teacher had dealt with the matter.

He swallows the lump away as Ben gets comfy - the hot chocolate he’d gone to make them both after watching Die Hard made his glasses steam up and Callum wished he could stop staring because it was uncalled for and Ben would no doubt notice his friends odd behaviour if he carried on.

Ben yawns behind his pyjama top, covering it up over his mouth as if Callum won’t notice.

“We should get some sleep,” Callum says after finishing his hot chocolate and turning out the light.

There’s silence for a while before Ben speaks. “Ya don’t have to sleep on the floor, Callum.” He pulls his duvet back, “you’re getting old now, it must be doing ya back in.”

Ben pats down the space next to him, shrieking when Callum throws his pillow at him for the comment. “Cheeky fucker.”

“I’m just trying to look out for my mate!”

Callum laughs, the tightening in his belly making his actions slower. Ben’s finger sits in between his teeth as he watches Callum lay down next to him, smiling when Callum props an arm under his head to get settled. “Hiya.”

“Hiya,” Callum repeats. “You’d best not kick in ya sleep.”

“Anything’s better than your snoring,” Ben hits back, smile growing.

“Mate, I do not snore!” He shoves at Ben’s shoulder.

Ben rolls his eyes. “That’s what they all say.”

Ben flicks the tv off, the room turning black, the only source of light comes from the street light just outside the window. Ben can hear Callum’s breathing, it’s almost frantic, so he lightly places his hand on his arm.

Callum’s heart feels like it’s leaping out of his chest and doing somewhat of a victory dance on his arm, especially when Ben’s thumb circles patterns over his skin.

“What ya thinking about?” Ben asks quietly, his breath ghosting over Callum’s face.

Callum wets his lips. He’s not going to lie, no matter how much the truth scares him. “Kissing ya again,” he whispers. Almost hopes Ben hasn’t heard him, because he shouldn’t be thinking like this.

Callum can’t be sure, because obviously they’re in darkness, but when Ben speaks it sounds as if a smile is on his lips.

“Ya can. If you want to,” his hand on his arm strokes further up until it’s squeezing Callum’s shoulder and then he moves in closer until their knees bump together.

Callum wants to, he really wants to. He ignores his nerves, the butterflies in his belly going mental and he leans up on his elbow before leaning into Ben and finding his lips.

It’s clumsy, and at one point Ben goes to remove his glasses, but Callum stops him, tells him to keep them on.

They stay kissing for ages, hands cling in hair and guide gently up and down arms and backs, and settle at waists and then Ben’s pulling Callum up on top of him, legs either side of him and the mood changes.

Ben tugs at Callum’s top until it’s up and off and breaks away to place kisses along Callum’s chest. Callum’s breathing goes unsteady, his head tilting back and he pulls at Ben’s hair when teeth bite into his skin near his rib cage.

Callum’s aware he isn’t Ben’s first, that he’s slept with men before. It worries Callum, what if he cant satisfy Ben the way everyone else has?

“Am I going too fast?” Ben looks up at him, his fingers tickling up and down his spine. “We don’t have to-“

“I want to,” Callum nods confidently, god he wants nothing else.

He places a kiss to Ben’s lips, pulling at his bottom lip with his teeth and shivers in delight when Ben moans under him. He pushes him back down onto the bed before stripping Ben of his pyjamas.

He finds confidence in the way Ben holds at his shoulder and his hair when he takes him into his mouth. Taking all he can, making Ben thrust slightly up into him, unable to control his actions.

They take things slow, fingers entwined when Ben opens his legs, resting them on Callum’s shoulders, Ben kisses a moan into Callum’s neck when he pushes gently into him.

They laugh after, breathless and blitz full. Their bodies cooling together, Ben’s head on Callum’s chest until they fall asleep.

The kiss before might not have meant anything. But that definitely did.  
***

Callum’s drunk, he’s found it helps. Especially when he’s out with Ben, and Kyle seems to be joined at his hip.

Even speaking to Shirley, and falling asleep with his head on her lap like he did when he was younger to make himself feel better again after falling over in the playground, or something, he found it didn’t work now he was nearly turning thirty.

Why did he wish his childhood away? Why did he think being an adult would be any better?

Jay’s out with them tonight, it kind of annoys him that he sees there’s something wrong with Callum before Ben does. “Knocking them back tonight, kid.” Jay nods towards Callum’s fifth vodka shot. “Everything alright?”

Callum just scoffs, scratches his forehead. “Is it that obvious?” Callum looks up at him, knows he’s taking it out on him and sighs. “Sorry. I’ll be alright, always am.” He smiles tightly, finishing off his drink. He orders in another round for them all, Jay helping him with the drinks. “Come on, let’s go and join the lovebirds,” he says thickly through a sad smile.

They talk about work at first, then the weather, then about Jay’s wife, Lola. It’s all friendly enough, general chit chat Callum can get behind without wanting to gouge his eyes out.

Then Mr Perfect has to go and ruin it all like always. “What do ya think our wedding would be like, babe?”

Ben almost spits his drink out, Jay looks on with wide eyes and a knowing smirk and Callum wants to slam his stupid head off the table.

“I- I cant say I’ve thought about it,” Ben replies, wiping a hand over his mouth.

“I have,” Kyle beams. “We’d have such an extravagant day. A church full of family and friends. Tinkerbell walking down the isle with rings in a basket attached to her collar, followed by me with Every Breath You Take playing in the background.”

Callum can’t help but laugh. He laughs until Ben kicks him under the table to stop it, his eyes water dangerously and he’s not sure if it’s because of the laughing or because he’s close to crying.

“What’s so funny?” Kyle looks annoyed, mouth turned downwards.

Callum shakes his head. “Nothing. Just don’t think that’s Ben’s style,” Callum looks over to him. “Is it, Ben?”

Ben frowns at his friends antics. Can tell he’s not being himself, his words cold and the usual softness behind his eyes aren’t there. Ben stays looking at Callum whilst he answers. “Sounds fine,” Ben says tightly, almost warning Callum to stop acting so problematic.

Callum just scoffs, downs the rest of his drink and puts on his jacket. “I’ve had enough, I’m going home.”

He doesn’t look at Ben again, just pats Jay’s back as he departs, knows he’ll have to apologise to him tomorrow when he’s got a raging hangover and he’s feeling sorry for himself.

He doesn’t get far until he’s being spun around by his arm, Ben in his face, almost up on his tip toes as if he’s ready to fight.

“What was all that about?” Ben huffs. “What’s gotten into you lately?”

“Surprised you’ve even noticed,” Callum snaps, alcohol making his tongue loose. “You’re so fuckin’ wrapped up in him to see anything else.”

Ben frowns, falling back on his heels. “You’re jealous?” His lips hang open, and Callum wants to shut them closed with a kiss that knocks him for six and makes him feel half of what he feels.

Callum’s silence is deafening. He digs his fingers into his eyes, knows he’ll start crying any minute now if he doesn’t walk away. “Forget it.”

Ben shakes his head. “You haven’t got anything to be jealous about. You’ll always be my best friend,” Ben smiles up at him, his insides bubbling with something that feels dangerously like it did when Callum first kissed him and then again when they slept together. It’s a feeling that only occurs when he thinks of those moments. When he thinks of Callum.

Callum looks down at him. “I can’t be ya friend anymore. Not now.”

“Are ya serious?” Ben panics, pulls at Callum’s arm so he can’t go anywhere. “Don’t ya think you’re being a bit dramatic?”

Callum pulls himself out of Ben’s grasp. Closes his eyes before finding the courage to say the words out loud. “I can’t be your friend anymore because I love you.”

“And I love you,” Ben looks up at him dumbly.

Callum rolls his eyes. “I’m in love with you! I want to be with ya. I want to be the one who thinks about wedding plans. I want what Kyle’s got, Ben.” He’s well and truly crying now, his face red and wet and he can’t seem to stop unloading his thoughts and feelings now. “I want to be able to call you mine,” he points at his chest. “Not sit and listen to someone who doesn’t even know ya properly make out you two are so perfect for each other-“

“Ben!” Kyle shouts behind them, all whiny and possessive. Ben turns to him, trying to smile, and Callum wishes he’d stay here with him, but he doesn’t.

He whispers something that looks a lot like ‘sorry’ before turning away and heading back inside the pub with Kyle by his side.

He’s sorry, too. Sorry he ever met Ben stupid Mitchell.

***  
They’ve fallen out plenty of times growing up together. The things all friends fall out other some stage in their childhood. They’d be sad about it for days, it was shocking how stubborn they both were sometimes. There’d come a time where Ben didn’t want to be sad and without his bestie anymore, so he’d act the ‘grown up’ and say sorry first, grinning when Callum would shyly grin back and pull him in for a tight hug.

This argument isn’t a stupid one in the playground or classroom anymore. It’s Ben’s 21st birthday party, and it’s a lot more livelier than any other.

Ben’s drunken too much, but it’s allowed, right? He’s allowed to celebrate and do what he likes, he’s always been unapologetic about who and what he is.

He’s talking to a group of people, some guy clearly attracted towards him, who can blame him? “Where’s ya cling on?” The boy asks over the music.

Ben frowns, not understanding.

“That tall guy with the fringe and big ears,” the boy clarifies, “he’s always with ya. Anyone would think ya had a stalker.”

That was the point Ben was supposed to stick up for his best friend, and he usually would, but he was beyond intoxicated to think, to even focus properly.

Ben just laughs because his head is spinning and he should probably sit down before he falls down.

“See, told ya! I’d be careful if I were you,” the boy eyes Callum up and down before dancing off to bitch about someone else no doubt.

Callum grabs at Ben’s elbow to get him to come inside, but Ben pulls away. “D- do ya mind?” Ben stumbles forwards, his nostrils flaring and his breath knocks Callum back, the alcohol seeping out. “God, he’s right. Ya are everywhere I go”.

Callum swallows against the words, knows Ben’s only saying them because he’s drunk and he’s not thinking straight. “When did ya get so fucking… obsessed?”

Callum just shakes his head, begs himself to stay strong. “Come inside. Ya need to sober up.”

Ben finishes off the rest of his drink in three large gulps, a wicked laugh escaping him. “What I need is for you to leave me alone and another drink.”

Ben stumbles his way inside, kicking over a plant pot in the process, but he just sticks his finger up at it in annoyance, like it was its fault for getting in his way.

Callum follows him, it doesn’t matter that he’s hurting inside, he knows his friend has had too much and the only thing he needs to drink is a few pints of water.

He runs the cold water into a glass before heading out into the hallway, just in time to catch Ben from tripping up the stairs.

“I thought I was the deaf one,” Ben slurs. “Leave me alone”.

“Why are ya being like this?” Callum sits Ben down on the stairs. “I haven’t even done anything-“

“Save me the pity party,” Ben takes the glass from Callum’s hands and drinks it quickly. “Ya can go now.”

“No.” Callum stands firm. “You’re acting like an idiot.”

Ben laughs bitterly, his teeth pulling at the skin on his lips. “Well, ya have been treating me like one for god knows how long.”

“I ain’t got a clue what you’re talking about,” Callum licks his lips, kneels down to Ben’s height. “Will you help me understand what’s happening?”

Ben rubs at the tension in the back of his neck, his eyes diverting from Callum’s gaze and he hates how sick the thoughts pestering his mind since he’d seen them together make him feel. He should be happy for him, instead he wants to run away and hope it’s not real.

“I saw ya with some girl,” Ben swallows. “Every day this week you’ve been with her and then yesterday I saw you together again. Your arm draped round her,” Ben wishes he had more water, his mouth terribly dry. “Ya were hugging and-“

“And nothing,” Callum finishes for him, it shouldn’t please him to know Ben’s been jealous over him and someone else, but he knows the feeling all too well. He’s had to watch him blossom into this brave and attractive guy who doesn’t hold back, who welcomes attention and appreciation from guys who are not even worthy of him. “She’s just a girl from work,” Callum smiles a little. “She’s a laugh, you’d like her.”

Ben pouts slightly, his eyes closed tightly and Callum knows he’s kicking himself inside. Ben’s eyes remain closed as he leans forward, their foreheads touching. Ben sighs in between them. “I don’t want to lose ya.”

“Never,” Callum promises, his pulse almost pumping out of his skin.

Ben’s hand cups Callum’s cheek, and Callum wishes he wouldn’t. He closes his eyes against it, leans in closer. “Get rid of these lot, will ya?” Ben asks, “I just want to be with my best friend.”

Callum nods, opens his eyes to see Ben smiling and he feels more lost in those eyes than he ever has before. He pulls away abruptly, Ben’s hand still up in the air.

“Taken or Flashdance?” Ben stands gingerly to his feet, ready to go up and put a film on for them to only watch a few moments of before one of them falls asleep first even though they’ll say they’re wide awake.

“It’s your birthday, you choose.”

Ben winks, Flashdance it is then. Callum laughs as he watches him crawl up the stairs before realising he was holding his breath.

He gets everyone out as quickly as he can before tidying up a bit. He hopes Ben’s already fallen asleep because he isn’t sure he can have a repeat of Ben’s 18th without falling and crashing deeper in love.  
***

Callum’s an idiot. It’s not breaking news to him, or anybody that knows him. He can’t help but feel that telling Ben he was in love with him was the biggest mistake he’d made.

Callum pledged to never drink again, especially around Ben. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected. His life had never been some kind of fairytale, he’d had his fair share of troubles and obstacles in his life.

Despite all that, and his awareness of how royally he’d messed up his only friendship, there was something in the back of his mind telling him there was something that looked like understanding behind Ben’s eyes when he’d confessed his feelings.

The way his jaw tightened, his blue eyes widening with every word that passed Callum’s lips. Each word seemed to hit a chord, Ben’s lips opening and closing as if to speak, but just not being able to find the words. Callum wouldn’t be surprised, it was a lot to take in.

Then Kyle had to come and ruin it. Just like he’d ruined everything else. Callum let him take Ben away, maybe a little bit of him hoped that Ben would stay, tell his boyfriend to leave, to even end things then and there.

Callum was an idiot.  
*  
“Here,” Ben appears out of nowhere, two coffee cups in his hands. “Pushed the boat out today. Orange hot chocolates,” Ben says, taking a sip of his own drink.

Callum just looks up at him, a slight frustration building up inside him that Ben is just carrying on like nothing happened the other night.

Like Callum didn’t confess his undying love for him.

“Thanks,” he mumbles back.

Ben stares him down until Callum looks at him again. “What?”

“You. Face like a smacked arse,” Ben sits with him. “It doesn’t suit ya, so stop it.”

Ben nudges him in his side with an elbow, and Callum doesn’t want to pretend anymore, have his feelings shut down and ignored. He can’t act like everything’s the same, when deep down, they both know things have changed.

“Sorry for having feelings,” Callum snaps. “Sorry if I don’t wanna put you first for once.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ben gets his back up, nostrils widening like they do when he’s upset or angry.

Callum swallows, hugs the coffee cup with his hands. “All my life I’ve put you first, Ben. Thought about you in everything I’ve done.” Callum looks up, “and you know it. You know you’ve always had me in the palm of your hand.”

Ben frowns. “Why are you attacking me, Callum?” He gets to his feet. “Not sure I like your tone. Call me when ya head is out from your arse.”

“You think this is funny, don’t ya?” Callum stands with him. “I’m in fucking love with you and you’re just – just making this so much harder for me.”

Ben’s eyes close against the weight of Callum’s sober words. “I’ve got a boyfriend.”

“He doesn’t know ya like I do,” Callum points out positively. “Nobody knows and sees the real Ben like I do.”

Ben huffs, his arms flailing either side of him. “You’re my best friend. Of course you do!”

“We aren’t just friends though, are we?” Callum says quietly as if to calm a wild animal. “Friends don’t kiss and sleep with each other-“

“Stop,” Ben raises a finger up in warning.

Callum takes Ben’s hand in his, even in a time like this, Ben gives him the courage and the confidence to keep going. “What are you so afraid of?”

Ben’s eyes search Callum’s, takes a look down at their joint hands before breathing out slowly, almost mesmerised. “The truth,” Ben reveals.

***  
Callum’s always been soft, a gentle giant. It’s one of the reasons Ben clung to his friendship growing up. Loved the way someone could be so kind and thoughtful, the way he wanted to better other people’s days. He oozed something Ben didn’t think he had growing up.

But Callum showed him otherwise. Made sure Ben could see he was _good_ and _deserving_. Ben wasn’t sure what life he’d have if he didn’t have Callum by his side, but he was sure it wouldn’t be as healthy and as positive if he wasn’t.  
*  
They’re running late for work, thanks to some party last night, they should have known better.

Ben doesn’t seem to worry as much as Callum about it though, slugging behind, feeling sorry for himself.

“Give me a piggy back,” Ben sounds just as rough as he looks, his eyes bloodshot. “Think I’m still drunk.”

Callum rolls his eyes. “We’ll go and get a coffee. It’s self inflicted mate, ya won’t find pity here.”

Ben sticks out his bottom lip, his hands pushing on Callum’s shoulders before jumping up on his back. “Giddy up,” Ben laughs, before groaning through the pain in his head. “Need a bacon sarnie, too.”

Callum smiles, “muppet.”

They’re pushing it for time now, but it’s Callum holding them back this time. He can’t just walk by and ignore the fact an elderly lady is struggling with her carrier bags onto the bus.

He heads over to her, palm gently on her shoulder whilst he takes some of the bags from her with his free hand. “Let me,” he smiles down at her and she looks up at him like the sun shines out of him.

Ben moans behind him, but she pats Callum gently on the cheek. “He’s a lucky guy,” she nods towards Ben. “Having such a handsome chap by his side.”

“What?” Callum blushes a little, maybe she’s confused them for somebody else because he can’t seem to connect the dots.

“Your boyfriend,” she grins wider. “I was watching ya from across the road. You make a sweet couple.”

“Oh, we are not-“

“I tell him that all the time,” Ben winks. “I’m just so lucky.” Ben leans up to place a kiss on his cheek and Callum just looks at him stunned.

They help the lady into the bus, her fond smile not leaving her lips as she waves goodbye.

“Why did ya do that?” Callum asks, aware his skin still tingles from Ben’s lips.

“Didn’t want to ruin her day,” Ben shrugs. “Come on, we are late enough as it is lover boy.”

Callum brushes his fingers over his cheek once Ben’s turned around. He knows he’s the lucky one.  
***

It’s Ben’s 28th birthday and the pang of sadness that’s inside him doesn’t leave him, just because it’s his birthday.

He’s not seen Callum for a week now and it’s the longest they’ve gone without speaking, without seeing each other and it just isn’t right. Nothing feels the same.

Ben’s got so much to say, so much he needs to say.

He’s in a world of his own, doesn’t particularly want to be here, everybody asking him where Callum is, because even they know you don’t get Ben without Callum and vice versa.

He stands at the bar, tells himself he’ll just drink himself into a better mood. It won’t last, but it’ll be something.

He gets annoyed when someone taps him on the shoulder, another person he doesn’t even know or care about wishing him a ‘happy’ birthday when it’s anything but.

But he’s got it wrong, so wrong. Callum stands in front of him, a face full of regretful and Ben knows it’s his fault. He pulls Callum in and holds him right, his arms around his neck. Callum holds him back and he feels better for it. “Can we talk?”

Callum nods against his cheek before they head outside, Callum’s mouth opening and closing to start and Ben needs to speak first.

“I ended it with Kyle. You were right, we weren’t going anywhere and we didn’t know each other properly.” Ben smiles at the way Callum’s lips tug into a smile, despite trying to hide it. “You were also right about us. About us being more than friends,” Ben steps in closer, his hand laying flat against Callum’s heart. “I’m in love with you Callum Highway and I think I always have.”

“You ain’t just saying this because ya feel bad, are you?”

Ben shoves at Callum before laughing, his body light and he lets himself fall into Callum. “I was scared, alright? Scared that everything would change between us, that we wouldn’t be the same.”

“Everything will be alright in the end,” Callum wraps his arms around Ben’s waist.

Ben’s fingers play tenderly at the top of Callum’s ears, his face softening when they turn pink. “You gonna give me a birthday kiss then, or what?”

Callum nods, “yes,” can’t believe his luck, but he’s not letting go now.

*  
Turns out nothings really changed at all.

And they keep to their childhood promise.

They set their wedding date for Ben’s 30th. 


End file.
